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Get off my lawn! (Formerly "Greetings, hello, and welcome!") Ordinarily this area is devoted to "a few words about me", but I am 25 (formerly 24) years old and I did not get this far by not telling people to get off my lawn (formerly "by telling people about myself"). Instead, you can go on an exciting voyage of non-self-discovery (unless you're myself - and I know I am!) by reading my posts. They date back to February of 2004 - that's more than a shit-ton (formerly three) years of quality!

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Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Voting: It's Libertastic!

With less than a month to go before the General Election here in the US, my main concern is that there hasn't really been enough mud-slinging. The candidates have been so tame towards each other. Also, their campaign ads, if not always accurate, were always logical or supportable from some standpoint. Frankly, as a voter, I demand more non-sensical mud-slinging campaigns ads. In order to help the Bush Administration, I'll present an example.

The Advertisement to Win the War

Fade into picture. Voiceover reads text.

This is John Kerry. He has a melty face. Just look at him! His face is melty because he made a pact with the greatest enemy to face this country in over one thousand years. That's right. This enemy is...

Change suddenly to the following image, dramatic music playing suddenly as the voiceover continues.


Yes, these dangerous foes have stood against Americans since time immemorial, and it is only by the heroic efforts of loggers and the spread of certain serious tree-affecting viruses that give us even a fighting chance. But John Kerry wants to help the trees. He wants to protect the environment. And most of all, he wants to give the trees full access to their most important food source.

Jump to next and final image, the music becoming soft and happy. Sound of children playing as voiceover continues.

Children. John Kerry will feed our children to the trees. Do you really want a Communist Nazi running your country? Vote Bush. Save America.

Posted at 02:13 pm by Saladin

West Virginia
October 25, 2004   03:23 PM PDT
Kerry kills babies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
October 17, 2004   05:20 AM PDT
lmao! you're are soo cinematic with your entries. good stuff.
October 7, 2004   11:40 PM PDT
Bush is a war freak like his dad!!! Well, I'm not American so what the hell...
J f Z
October 7, 2004   04:33 PM PDT
"He's a flip-flopping Arborist".

-sponsored by
October 7, 2004   04:24 PM PDT
Precisely the point. Which is why I included BONUS quotes in my description.
October 7, 2004   01:47 PM PDT
Alyred: it only works if you use quotes.
October 7, 2004   01:42 PM PDT
bush is hott
October 7, 2004   11:23 AM PDT
Hmm, someone has eclipsed your UFO Fighting dragons mightiness!
October 7, 2004   10:21 AM PDT
I'm a titan in the "UFOs fighting dragons" community.
October 7, 2004   10:20 AM PDT
Incidentally, if you go to google and search for "'UFOs fighting dragons,'" and click "I'm feeling lucky," you get to my blog.
October 7, 2004   07:49 AM PDT
October 6, 2004   04:10 PM PDT
VOTE KERRY! Cause bush is an open tree molester ;-)
October 6, 2004   02:58 PM PDT
October 6, 2004   02:18 PM PDT
In fact that kid IS wielding a blowgun, trying to kill the oncoming legions of Democrats. What he doesn't realize - what none of them realize - is that there is a tree sneaking up behind them! They're doomed! Doomed, I tell you!
October 6, 2004   12:06 AM PDT
I don't even know what to think of it! But I like Gloria a tad more now!
October 5, 2004   09:49 PM PDT
This takes me back to 11th grade when Mr. Drill Sr. (the vice principle's dad) would substitute teach our government class. There's nothing more amusing and satisfying than hearing an elderly democrat get riled up about how the evil Republicans would kill babies and kittens and baby kittens. Also, is that kid wielding a blowgun?
October 5, 2004   09:05 PM PDT
hilarious. i bet his heart is melty too.
October 5, 2004   05:21 PM PDT
I use a special resin formula to keep my face from being melty
October 5, 2004   05:00 PM PDT
Feeding children to trees, you say? If I could vote, that would make me become a democrat.
Sinister Ninja
October 5, 2004   04:30 PM PDT
Love the post. Don't listen to the Canadian! ;)
October 5, 2004   02:38 PM PDT
Kerry looks like he's grabbing an invisible woman's buttock.

Vote George W.!

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